August 10, 2008 -- "Dealing with Conflict"

We have been hearing about the life of Jacob, this the 3rd week in the 3 part series. In case you have missed anything, let me bring you up to speed. Jacob, along with his mother Rebekkah, deceived his father and his brother, obtaining his father’s blessing as his first heir. Esau was the first heir, but a crafty plan changed all that. When Esau learned of the deception, he hit the roof!

Matter of a fact, I think that he would have liked the shirt that I spotted recently, worn by one of our children: RECYCLE MY BROTHER. Esau would have loved to have recycled his brother as a compost pile!

He literally sought to kill him. Jacob ran away to his Uncle Laban’s, where he lived for 20 years. His Uncle deceived him as well (it ran in the family), causing Jacob to marry the wrong girl. He ended up working 14 years for the woman that he really wanted to marry. God blessed the works of Jacob’s hands; his shepherding prospered, he gained many servants and he had many children. He decided to part company with Laban and to head home without even giving Laban a chance to kiss his grandchildren goodbye. Laban, in great anger, pursued him! After a 7-day journey, he caught up to Jacob. Had it not been for a dream in which Laban heard God say, “Be careful how you treat Jacob,” who knows what would have happened. Laban and Jacob made a covenant not to interfere with the other (always a good thing for in-laws to do!) and this great benediction came as a result: “May the Lord watch between you and me when we are absent one from the other.”

Today, we find Jacob continuing his journey home. He has come very close to his stomping grounds as we begin this next passage in our series, Genesis 32, verse 3 and following:

(Gen 32:3-31 NIV)

Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He instructed them: "This is what you are to say to my master Esau: 'Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, menservants and maidservants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.'"

When the messengers returned to Jacob, they said, "We went to your brother Esau, and now he is coming to meet you, and four hundred men are with him."

In great fear and distress Jacob divided the people who were with him into two groups, and the flocks and herds and camels as well.

He thought, "If Esau comes and attacks one group, the group that is left may escape."
Then Jacob prayed, "O God of my father Abraham, God of my father Isaac, O LORD, who said to me, 'Go back to your country and your relatives, and I will make you prosper,' I am unworthy of all the kindness and faithfulness you have shown your servant. I had only my staff when I crossed this Jordan, but now I have become two groups. Save me, I pray, from the hand of my brother Esau, for I am afraid he will come and attack me, and also the mothers with their children. But you have said, 'I will surely make you prosper and will make your descendants like the sand of the sea, which cannot be counted.'"

He spent the night there, and from what he had with him he selected a gift for his brother Esau: two hundred female goats and twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys.

He put them in the care of his servants, each herd by itself, and said to his servants, "Go ahead of me, and keep some space between the herds."

He instructed the one in the lead: "When my brother Esau meets you and asks, 'To whom do you belong, and where are you going, and who owns all these animals in front of you?' then you are to say, 'They belong to your servant Jacob. They are a gift sent to my lord Esau, and he is coming behind us.'"

He also instructed the second, the third and all the others who followed the herds: "You are to say the same thing to Esau when you meet him. And be sure to say, 'Your servant Jacob is coming behind us.'" For he thought, "I will pacify him with these gifts I am sending on ahead; later, when I see him, perhaps he will receive me."

So Jacob's gifts went on ahead of him, but he himself spent the night in the camp. That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak.

When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak." But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."

The man asked him, "What is your name?" "Jacob," he answered.

Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."

Jacob said, "Please tell me your name." But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.

So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."

The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

From the story of Jacob – particularly this last chapter - we learn how to handle conflict. Here are some things to remember in the heat of the battle:

1. Don’t speak in anger; cool off first! Rebekkah realized this when she said, “I will send Jacob away until Esau cools off, and then I will send for him. The anger was so great between the 2 that it took 20 years to cool off. But, had they met in anger, one or both would have undoubtedly died!

2. If the conflict is severe, send a trusted messenger of peace on ahead of yourself. A trusted, mature Christian friend will plead your case and remind your opponent of God’s grace. Also, send a gift; it can’t hurt! Even though Esau was not a man in need of anything, his heart was softened by the hospitality and the gratitude that his brother Jacob showed through the giving of gifts. In a sense, it was a restoration of the inheritance that Jacob stole. If it is in your power to make things right, do so!

3. Put yourself last in relationship to your opponent: Jacob said, in effect, to his brother Esau: “You are my lord; I am your servant.” Jacob did not go in demanding his way or singing his own praises or even thinking that he was better than Esau. Isn’t it funny that we can consider ourselves servants of God but not of people? As servants of God, we serve people!

Jacob didn’t go in with a chip on his shoulder or an axe to grind.” One of the worse ways that we can start a disagreement is to say, “I’ve got some things to get off my chest!” That puts your opponent on the defensive, and it can only get worse from there. Instead, go in with humility, being able to admit your role in the disagreement. Even if you feel very strongly that you are not at fault, go in with the position of servant, willing to listen, speaking in calm. That will go a long way to mending the difference.

Please realize that not every conflict can be repaired. You can’t make someone reconcile if they do not want to reconcile. You can only be responsible for yourself. The Bible says that as far as it is up to you, do what you can do. Leave the rest to God. It may be that the best you can do is say, “I’ve done all that God required me to do. Now I must part and let God fill the void.”

4. Pray! Pray! Pray! Solicit the prayers of other mature Christians. And pray some more! More has been accomplished through prayer than any other means or resource. I am happy to say that we are becoming a prayer filled church! Watch what God will do with that! Remember, prayer is just a conversation. We converse with people everyday. Don’t forget to include God in your conversation. Tell God how you feel, what you need, and ask for God’s guidance to do His will.

5. Last, fess up to your own shortcomings! Finally, Jacob took responsibility for his own actions. Even if you are not responsible for the conflict, or only minutely responsible, admit that you are a person who makes mistakes – an imperfect person. Seeing yourself in this light will allow you to have a greater compassion for your opponent and keep you from popping off in the heat of the moment. We are all sinners, prone to mistakes and even complete crack-ups at times. I love the saying, “If not for the grace of God, there go I.” If you go into a conflict with any other attitude than this, look out for escalation!

Our story ends with this amazing wrestling match between Jacob and a supernatural opponent. There are many unanswered questions that we have about this encounter. Here is what we do know. The Bible says that Jacob wrestled with a man – using the Hebrew “ish” for “man” not once or even twice but 6 times in this passage. But this could not have been an ordinary man, because with just a touch the man separated Jacob’s femur from his hip socket. Jacob continued to wrestle him – even holding him from getting away. Jacob was a strong man; remember - he rolled away the stone in front of Rachel’s well all by himself – something that took several shepherds to do. But even such a strength could not hold God. It would seem, then, that the being was a messenger of God - an angel.

But Jacob says that he saw God face to face and prevailed. What of that? In other places in the Bible, we read of people who have seen the angel of the Lord and commented that they have seen the face of God. See Judges 13:22. Also note that Hosea in 12:2-4 commented about the encounter and called the being an angel.

So what do we make of this great wrestling mach? For one thing, when Esau would gaze upon Jacob for the first time, he would see him limping. This may have been the straw that broke the austere camel’s back, opening Esau’s heart to his brother. Also, the wrestling match was an event that characterizes Jacob’s life up to that point. He was a person of struggle; he struggled with his brother, his father, his father-in-law, and his wife Leah and God himself. The event also marks an abrupt change in Jacob’s life. Finally, in all of his struggling, he was prevailing - probably in part because he finally learned his lesson. To mark the separation of the past from the future, his name was changed from Jacob (meaning “he clutched”) to Israel (meaning “God strives.”) It is from this name that the descendants of Jacob will be named the “Israelites.” Remember, God said, “I will make your name great; your descendants will be as the sand of the shore.”

What is your struggle today? What is blocking you from receiving the blessing of God? Jacob’s block was several fold; he was manipulative, selfish, a liar and a deceiver. He had a victim’s mentality – everyone was against him! These things blocked the blessings of God. It took him years to understand this. The freedom that came from confessing his sinful nature to God is an incredible release of the blockage. Would you like to have that as well? Christ is here, right now, for you, if you will approach him and be honest with him, confessing your shortcomings and asking for his blessing, the blockage will begin to break up. Let’s meet him now. Pray with me.

Oh God, we admit that we are prone to error – mistakes on the small scale and on the grand scale. Some of those shortcomings have kept us blocked from receiving your blessing. Come to us now, through Jesus Christ. Help us to trust him fully, believing upon him as Your Son, freeing us to live for you and to experience the ultimate freedom of forgiveness and spiritual prosperity. If anyone hearing these words or reading these words doesn’t have you in their heart, please help them to ask you now, even praying these words:

Come, Jesus, be Lord of my life. Forgive my sins, unclog the blockage, and help me to grow in you, experiencing your great blessing. I don’t know what all this means, I just know I need you. Come, and change me! In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.